I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
