Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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