Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
