She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
