I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
