making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
