Your face is a jimmy john
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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