I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sex in a hospital.. check
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize