Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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