Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize