I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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