Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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