I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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