Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
