i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
