i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There r osticjed everywhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
