marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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