I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
