Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
