tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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