Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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