i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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