I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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