Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
