there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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