your room smells of hookers.
And success
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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