Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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