Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
