i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
