Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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