So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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