I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
