I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
