I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
