The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
