In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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