I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm like, not good at living.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
