How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
