Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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