I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
