Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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