Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
only you would photoshop your dick
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You should frame my arrest warrant.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
