Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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