So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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