We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
