ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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