I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
