those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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