Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize