You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
