then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize