Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
