Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
