I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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