i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're like the curious george of whores
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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