Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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