I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
