They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So many bounce houses so little time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
