i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
