O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
