would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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