Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
