So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
