My brain says no but my pants say off.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
