Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize