Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
