The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
