We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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