hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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