His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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