Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
pray to the hookup gods
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
