i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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