i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
