Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
